I bought my first song in 2003.It was flashy – bright pink, with a red flame-shaped embellishment at the waist, and the word “HOTTIE” emblazoned on the front in a shimmering fuchsia font. All fire images aside, perhaps was Very flammable. My best friend and I each bought one and prearranged days to wear them “together” to school.
We considered this an important purchase. This is what I felt marked my final ascent to women when I was about to enter eighth grade. Outside my suburban middle school friend group, whale tails were taking the fashion scene by storm, thanks to celebrities like Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears. Degrassi for a moment. And while buying it is a classic (if misguided) coming-of-age ritual, reflecting my desire to feel older and more mature, the “visible T Back’ was not a trend I wanted to be a part of.
These were secret thongs—hidden from my mother, best of all—and I was afraid anyone would see mine. The only thing worse than someone finding my G-string was the fact that my butt felt like it was on fire every time I wore it.
When I first bought the song, “dirt” was not in my vocabulary. At least, anatomically, it wasn’t. But with all the wisdom I’ve accumulated over the last 20 years, I now know what was going on with my poor perineum. It was rubbed between the “HOTTIE” laces and the flared Aeropostale jeans.
I think the first time I got candidiasis was because of that damn thong.So imagine my anger — no, my horror — see that visible thongs are trending again in the year of Lord 2023. Dua Lipa rang one for the New Year, and Kendall Jenner and Hailey Bieber both wore them to the Met Gala.
So how do you tell Gen Z girls that they don’t have to suffer with this trend? Wearing a visible thong is essentially showing the world that your crotch is on fire. Not in a fun romance novel way.
Visible thongs are a conundrum — we just swapped out the butt underwear line for a waist underwear line. moved lineIt’s nothing new. We unearth and recover lingerie the same way it has been historically known. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if archaeologists found visible depictions of thongs in the Lascaux cave paintings.
So why bother going to get rid of the panty line if you just turn around and reveal the fact that you’re wearing a thong? Are you choosing to give up and wear it? Wearing a dress over jeans has never ended in such pain. Butterfly clips won’t chafe your skin. As far as I know, blue eyeshadow has never caused a yeast infection.
If you really want to be subversive, I suggest you don’t be shy about embracing full-coverage underwear. What’s more playful than tight-fitting underwear? What could be an ‘off-duty model’ than a giant swath of comfy cotton caressing your cheeks?
True maximalism in the biggest underwear you’ve ever seen in your life.You can’t rest until you see panty lines on the red carpet.now that is What I call trends.
